EPISODE 7: ‘how to protect yourself against narcissists at work’
BOUNDARIES, BURNOUT AND BREAKING FREE FROM TOXIC WORKPLACES: HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST NARCISSISTS AT WORK
Have you ever felt stuck in a workplace that's draining the life out of you, but still couldn't walk away? Maybe you were told you were the problem. Perhaps you were clinging to the hope that it would get better. In episode 7 of Narcissism at Work, we explore how to recognise when enough is enough, and what it takes to begin again.
What to expect in Episode 07:
What boundary-setting looks like when navigating narcissistic environments
The psychology of trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement
Why people stay and what helps them finally leave
How to recover your identity after narcissistic abuse at work
Concrete tools like grey rocking, yellow rocking, and documentation
The cost of people-pleasing and the liberation of choosing yourself
Why it matters
Workplace narcissism is not just a leadership issue, it’s a mental health crisis. The longer we stay in toxic dynamics, the more we lose clarity, confidence, and connection to ourselves. This episode is a reminder: You’re not weak for staying, and you’re not wrong for walking away.
Key Takeaways
A boundary is not a wall, it’s a line that protects your peace. Knowing what you need to look after yourself is where it begins.
Grey rocking means giving nothing: you say and do the bare minimum to avoid feeding the narcissist's ego.
Yellow rocking is similar, but slightly warmer, polite, neutral responses that avoid triggering backlash.
Trauma bonding makes it hard to leave. The cycle of reward and punishment creates an emotional addiction.
DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) is a common tactic used by narcissists to escape accountability and frame themselves as victims.
Proper recovery reconnects you with your values, softness, and self-worth, not just protection.
Frameworks & Therapies Mentioned:
DARVO (Jennifer Freyd): a manipulation tactic where perpetrators deny wrongdoing, attack the accuser, and position themselves as the real victim.
Intermittent reinforcement: a behavioural psychology concept explaining why inconsistent rewards (praise, kindness) create addictive cycles of attachment.
Betrayal blindness: Describing our unconscious suppression of awareness to preserve relationships or security.
If you want to explore these therapies further, check out The Narcissistic Abuse Healing Programme by Dr. Daksha Hirani. This self-paced digital course will start you on the path to full recovery. It lays out a step-by-step process which you can follow at your own pace. There are 10 modules, with worksheets where appropriate, to be followed in sequence. As a listener of Narcissism At Work, get 10% off with the code OTHERBOX10.
Quote highlights
“If your mental health is suffering, something needs to change and that's the red flag right there.” – Leyya Sattar
“You were never really lost. What the person with narcissistic traits does is they throw a lot of crap at you, but it's just being thrown at you. It's not who you are. The self inside is still shining strong, and all you have to do is just get rid of the crap. It's like dusting off after you've fallen out.”* – Dr. Daksha Hirani
“I used to justify bad behaviour with: ‘They’re not always like that.’ But that’s the trap, the crumbs of kindness, the golden carrot, the future faking. That’s what keeps you stuck.”– Leyya Sattar
“People-pleasing isn’t bad. But it must come with discernment. Who is worthy of your care?” – Dr Daksha Hirani
“It’s okay to give people the benefit of the doubt. Once might be a mistake. Twice, a coincidence. Three times? That’s a pattern.” - Dr Daksha Hirani
“ True healing from narcissistic abuse can make you connected to all of humanity and be very loving and kind because, first and foremost, you have begun with clarity at home. Looking after yourself, your home first, before looking after others.” – Dr Daksha Hirani
“Your boundaries aren’t rude. Your clarity isn’t cruelty. You’re allowed to choose yourself—again and again.”– Leyya Sattar
* Throughout the series, Leyya and Dr. Daksha refer to C.R.A.P. which is an acronym that stands for Criticism, Rejection, Abandonment, and Punishment. These are the emotional triggers narcissists often manipulate to maintain control and keep you in a cycle of compliance, confusion, and self-doubt. Recognising when you're being pulled into these emotional traps is the first step to breaking free from them. C.R.A.P.
Resources & Further Support
Listen to all episodes: otherbox.co/podcast
Click here to access additional resources including Dr Daksha’s digital course here
Learn more about narcissism, burnout, and protective tools in our Diversity Dictionary course: otherbox.co/education
Subscribe, share, and rate the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Acast or wherever you listen.
Whether you’re just starting to question a toxic dynamic or deep into your healing, we hope this podcast helps you name it, understand it, and start to heal from it. Because work should work for you.
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Narcissism At Work podcast is out now and is available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Check out our resources page here for support. Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with Other Box.
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