BONUS EPISODE 7: Coping with alcohol
Listener Letter 7: Narcissistic Abuse, Avoidance Behaviours + the Cost of staying silent
In this bonus episode of Narcissism at Work, we hear from Dani, a co-founder whose eight-year working relationship with a narcissistic colleague nearly cost her her mental health, her marriage, and herself.
When the emotional abuse became unbearable, Dani turned to alcohol to cope, started mirroring the narcissist’s behaviour, and found herself justifying actions that went against her values. This letter is raw, honest, and deeply resonant for anyone who’s ever felt trapped in a power-bound work dynamic.
Psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani responds with a clinical breakdown of narcissistic abuse cycles, trauma bonding, and how survival behaviours like alcohol misuse are often misunderstood.
What are Listener Letters?
In our Narcissism At Work podcast series, we launched the Listener Letters bonus episodes to create space for the stories that often go untold. These are real, anonymised letters from the Other Box community, recounting deeply personal experiences of narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Each letter is read aloud and followed by insights from clinical psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani, who helps unpack the behaviours, provides validation, and offers tools for recovery.
These episodes are for anyone who has ever felt confused, gaslit, or silenced in a work setting and thought, "Was it really that bad?" Spoiler: It probably was.
Why We’re Talking About It
Narcissistic abuse at work doesn’t just happen in boardrooms or behind closed doors. It leaks into our personal lives, reshapes our sense of self, and often leads to avoidance behaviours like alcohol, drug use, emotional numbing, and overworking.
According to Alcohol Change UK, 64% of UK workers admit to drinking alcohol for work-related reasons due to stress, pressure, or anxiety. Avoidance behaviours like these are survival strategies, but over time, they can block healing, clarity, and reconnecting with ourselves.
Episode Themes:
🧠 Narcissistic Abuse and Complicity 🧠
Dani had built a career standing against toxic leadership, yet found herself excusing, justifying, and protecting the very abuse she once fought against. A tension familiar to anyone who’s been gaslit into silence.
🍷 Avoidance Behaviours as Survival 🍷
As the emotional pressure mounted, Dani began drinking heavily to cope. Dr. Daksha unpacks how avoidance behaviours like alcohol use are trauma responses, and what you can do about it.
⚖️ Reputation, Power, and the Cost of Speaking Up ⚖️
Dani feared going public about the abuse because it could harm the company’s reputation, a fear many face when identity, success, and power are entwined with a narcissist.
🧩 Trauma Bonding and the Abuse Cycle 🧩
From idealisation and love-bombing to devaluation and control, Dani was caught in the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Daksha explains how manipulation tactics like “hoovering” keep victims tethered.
💔 When You Start Becoming Them 💔
As a survival mechanism, Dani began to mirror the narcissist’s passive-aggressive and controlling behaviour. This isn’t weakness, it’s a sign of long-term trauma exposure.
🕊 Letting Go of the Fantasy 🕊
Even after leaving, Dani grieves for who she thought the narcissist could be. Dr. Daksha talks about the need for radical acceptance and how mourning the fantasy is part of recovery.
Insight from Dr. Daksha Hirani
Dr. Daksha offers the following reflections:
Narcissistic abuse follows a recognisable pattern: idealisation → devaluation → discard (or forced exit).
Narcissists often become more grandiose as their power grows. Their behaviour is driven by a need for control, not collaboration.
Avoidant behaviours like drinking are common in abuse recovery. The goal is to move toward behaviours that align with who you truly are.
Dani’s emotional shifts and behaviour changes were normal responses to abnormal circumstances.
Healing starts with self-compassion, values reconnection, and radical acceptance of who the narcissist really is, not who we hoped they’d be.
Why It Matters
Workplace abuse is often minimised, especially when the abuser is successful, charismatic, or influential. But Dani’s story reveals the emotional, relational, and even physical consequences of staying too long in a toxic dynamic.
This episode is a reminder that:
Avoidance behaviours are survival responses
Trauma bonds are hard to break, even when you know it’s toxic
Silence doesn’t protect you, it distances you from yourself
You are not alone, and your recovery is possible
This episode is for you if…
You’ve ever stayed silent to protect your job, boss, or company image
You’re struggling with alcohol, burnout, or emotional detachment at work
You’ve started questioning your own values or identity in the workplace
You’ve excused or enabled abusive behaviour, and now feel guilt or shame
You want to understand how narcissistic abuse unfolds and how to break free
Resources & Further Support
Listen to all episodes: otherbox.co/podcast
Learn more about narcissism, burnout, and protective tools in our Diversity Dictionary course: otherbox.co/education
Subscribe, share, and rate the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Acast or wherever you listen.
Whether you’re just starting to question a toxic dynamic or deep into your healing, we hope this podcast helps you name it, understand it, and start to heal from it. Because work should work for you.
———
Narcissism At Work podcast is out now and is available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Check out our resources page here for support. Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with Other Box.
Need support for your team? Contact us to explore how we can help build healthier, safer workplaces.
