a tool to process stress, anxiety and emotions at work
S.T.U.F. Framework: A Simple Tool to Process Stress, Anxiety and Emotions at Work
If you've ever walked out of a meeting with a tight chest, racing thoughts, and a nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right, you’re not alone. Emotional stress at work, especially in toxic or high-pressure environments, often goes unspoken or gets mislabeled as “overreacting.”
That’s why we’re sharing a simple but powerful self-awareness tool → S.T.U.F.
The S.T.U.F. framework, shared initially by Clinical Psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani in our Narcissism at Work podcast, helps you name and process your internal experience with greater clarity and compassion.
What is the S.T.U.F. Framework?
S.T.U.F is a self-awareness tool that helps individuals better understand and process emotional experiences, especially in environments shaped by manipulation, microaggressions, burnout, or high-stakes performance.
S.T.U.F. stands for:
S = Sensations
T = Thoughts
U = Urges
F = Feelings
By slowing down and tuning into each of these four areas, you can gain a deeper understanding of your emotional state and begin to reclaim your truth.
S = Sensations: What’s Your Body Telling You?
Your body is often the first to pick up on emotional danger, even when your mind hasn’t caught up. These physical signs of stress or anxiety are data from your nervous system to alert you to stress, fear, or danger.
When you're dealing with manipulation, microaggressions, or unclear power dynamics at work, your body often senses the threat before you can name it. You might intellectualise the experience, but your body feels the truth.
Common nervous system signals include:
Butterflies in stomach, tight chest, racing heart, shaky hands, clenched jaw, throat tightness, sudden exhaustion, fidgeting, sweaty palms, dizziness, brain fog, palpitations, dry mouth, skin breakouts or flare-ups, digestive upset, nausea, appetite changes, tension headaches, eye twitching, teeth grinding, frequent yawning, goosebumps, disrupted sleep, muscle tension, hypervigilance, excessive sweating.
T = Thoughts: What Are You Telling Yourself?
What thoughts are running through your mind right now? Our internal narratives offer valuable clues into how we make sense of workplace dynamics, especially after experiencing gaslighting or manipulation, and high stress environments.
Examples might include:
“Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Why can’t I keep up?”
“This feels unfair.”
“They said it was feedback, but it felt like an attack.”
“I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop.”
Write down your thoughts, and try not to censor or edit yourself. The goal isn’t to control your thoughts, it’s to see them with compassion and curiosity. Many of these thoughts might reflect internalised gaslighting or people-pleasing patterns. By naming them, you start to loosen their grip and reclaim your truth.
U = Urges: What Are You Being Pulled to Do?
What is your body urging you to do in this moment? Urges are instinctive reactions, signals from your nervous system about what feels unsafe or intolerable. They often show up before you even understand why.
Ask yourself:
Do I want to fight back or defend myself?
Do I want to shut down and disappear?
Do I feel the need to flee, walk away, or avoid?
Do I want to fix the situation or smooth things over?
These are protective impulses, they’re not wrong or shameful. They’re trying to meet a deeper need.
“I need to feel safe.”
“I need to be heard.”
“I need this to stop.”
“I need space to think.”
“I need reassurance that I’m not the problem.”
Instead of judging the urge, use it as a compass.
What boundary might need to be set?
What conversation do you need support to have?
What small step could honour your need right now?
F = Feelings: What Emotions Need to Be Acknowledged?
What emotions are present beneath the surface? Now that you’ve tuned into your physical state, your thoughts, and your urges, check in with the core emotion underneath.
You might be feeling:
Anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, disappointment, hope, relief, confusion, resentment, powerlessness, grief
We may experience a range of emotions simultaneously; for example, you might feel angry and heartbroken, or relieved and ashamed. There’s no “wrong” emotion. But do ask yourself:
What emotion is asking to be acknowledged?
What needs to be felt instead of fixed?
Naming your feelings helps you move through them instead of getting stuck in them. You don’t have to explain or justify, just feel.
Why the S.T.U.F. Framework Matters in the Workplace
People working in toxic or high-performance environments often second-guess their emotional experience. They’re told they’re “too sensitive” or “making a fuss.” But psychological harm usually hides in plain sight, disguised as ambition, feedback or ‘cultural fit’.
This framework gives you a tool to document, process, and validate your internal reality when things feel confusing, overwhelming or unsafe.
But as the well-known book title says: ‘The Body Keeps the Score’.
Your Sensations = Data
Your Thoughts = Matter
Your Urges = Protection
Your Feelings = Valid
Start documenting your S.T.U.F. when something feels off. Over time, you’ll start to see patterns, where your values are being ignored, what dynamics are draining you, and what boundaries need reinforcing.
Resources & Further Support
Listen to all episodes: otherbox.co/podcast
Subscribe, share, and rate the podcast on Spotify, Acast or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Whether you’re just starting to question a toxic dynamic or deep into your healing, we hope this podcast helps you name it, understand it, and start to heal from it.
Narcissism At Work podcast is out now and is available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Check out our resources page here for support. Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with Other Box.
Need support for your team? Contact us to explore how we can help build healthier, safer workplaces.
