BONUS EPISODE 8: When Race Is Weaponised
Listener Letter 8: Meet jay
In this week’s Narcissism at Work bonus episode, we hear from Jay, who shares a deeply complex story of workplace abuse at the hands of a manager who used her race and gender as shields while enacting narcissistic behaviours against him.
It’s a powerful reminder that narcissism is not limited by identity, and that people from any background can misuse power, weaponise inclusion, and harm others.
Psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani responds with a clinical breakdown of narcissistic abuse cycles, trauma bonding, and how survival behaviours like alcohol misuse are often misunderstood.
What are Listener Letters?
In our Narcissism At Work podcast series, we launched the Listener Letters bonus episodes to create space for the stories that often go untold. These are real, anonymised letters from the Other Box community, recounting deeply personal experiences of narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Each letter is read aloud and followed by insights from clinical psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani, who helps unpack the behaviours, provides validation, and offers tools for recovery.
These episodes are for anyone who has ever felt confused, gaslit, or silenced in a work setting and thought, "Was it really that bad?" Spoiler: It probably was.
Why We’re Talking About It
Because identity can be misused as a cover for harmful behaviour. While marginalised groups often face systemic oppression, this does not erase the reality that people of all identities can perpetuate narcissistic abuse and that silence around these dynamics leaves victims without a voice.
“Your empathy and compassion were used against you. The challenge is not to harden yourself so much that you lose those beautiful parts of you, but to add discernment.”
Episode Themes:
Weaponising identity: How race and gender were used to silence and deflect accountability
Masculinity and stereotypes: The pressures Jay faced as a Black man to “soften” himself at work
F.O.G. (Fear, Obligation, Guilt): Why abuse can feel like being stuck in a fog that only clears with distance
The cost of empathy: Why compassion often makes victims more vulnerable, and how to reclaim it with discernment
Rebuilding confidence: From journaling to post-traumatic growth and learning to trust your instincts again
Insight from Dr. Daksha Hirani
Dr. Daksha offers the following reflections:
Those with narcissistic traits can exploit empathy, but it doesn’t need to be lost.
Assertiveness rooted in values, rather than fear of stereotypes, is key to healing.
Guilt must be examined: is it justified (to repair a mistake) or unjustified (placed on you by others)?
Journaling and therapy can be vital in preventing self-gaslighting and reclaiming your identity.
Why It Matters
Jay’s story highlights an under-discussed reality: even within marginalised communities, power can be abused, and identity can be used as a shield to avoid accountability. This form of progressive abuse often goes unchecked, leaving victims doubly silenced, afraid of being seen as betraying their community, while also enduring harm.
As Dr. Daksha reflects, recovery involves recognising unjustified guilt, reclaiming lost parts of yourself, and learning to judge people by their actions, not the identity they claim to represent.
This episode is for you if…
You’ve struggled with guilt when speaking out against someone from your own community.
You’ve ever felt silenced by inclusion language being weaponised against you.
You’ve adapted your behaviour out of fear of stereotypes or judgment.
You’re seeking ways to reclaim your identity, empathy, and voice after abuse.
Resources & Further Support
Listen to all episodes: otherbox.co/podcast
Learn more about narcissism, burnout, and protective tools in our Diversity Dictionary course: otherbox.co/education
Subscribe, share, and rate the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Acast or wherever you listen.
Whether you’re just starting to question a toxic dynamic or deep into your healing, we hope this podcast helps you name it, understand it, and start to heal from it. Because work should work for you.
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Narcissism At Work podcast is out now and is available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Check out our resources page here for support. Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with Other Box.
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